Botox

This week we got the botox injection in Elliott’s leg and no surprises here, he handled it like a champ.

Leading up to this appointment I was equal parts anxious and equal parts ready. I have noticed in pretty good detail over time how my body responds to trauma, stress, anxiety, feelings of being overwhelmed, etc. Prior to botox I was extra tired with hundreds of random thoughts that I just didn’t know what to do with.

This is classic anxiety for me. Mild, but anxiety nonetheless.

Over the last two months since his diagnosis, I have seen a change in his walking and his leg and I know that it is time to do an intervention. I am ready to move forward before it continues to get worse.

However, it wasn’t so much the actual procedure that I was anxious about, it was that botox is the jumping off point to dealing with this, in some capacity, for the rest of his life.

It feels like we are at the starting line of a race, waiting for the gun to go off…

The day of the appointment was normal, we were scheduled to see the doctor at 3:45 so we had to wait all day, which only increased my anxiety as time went on. My parents were in town and able to watch Harper while Nathan took off work early so that we could both take Elliott to the appointment. Due to Covid, only one parent is allowed in the doctors office at a time, so the plan was for Nathan to drop us off and wait for us outside until we were done.

I have found that on the drive to any doctors appointment, when I can tell Elliott where we are going and what to expect, there is a tremendous amount of calm that he exhibits while with the doctor. He continues to blow me away, and this system seems to work.

So for this appointment, I told him that I was going to be asking the doctor a lot of questions about his leg and they were going to poke him in his calf three times. I told him that it was probably going to hurt a little bit, but I would be by his side the whole time and it would be quick quick quick!

Once in the office, I think I was more nervous than Elliott. He was standing at the window counting the cars drive by and telling me what colors they all were. There are always lessons for me to learn from this little man.

Today’s lesson: Focus on the simple things and the rest will take care of itself.

The doctor came in and told me that Elliott was getting 50 units of botox (0.50 mL) and on these types of appointments he doesn’t ever want to exceed 160 units, reassuring me that 50 units is a minimal amount. He reminded me that the botox weakens and loosens the muscles which helps get his leg to a ‘neutral’ position, prior to casting. Basically, what his left leg does naturally. He said Elliott may have some pain for the 24 hours following, but it shouldn’t be too bad and nothing a little Tylenol wouldn’t fix.

We were ready for the shots.

The doctor took off Elliott’s shoes and had me bear hug him with our chests touching. The nurse held his right leg steady and the doctor sprayed it with a little numbing spray and then immediately injected the botox in three different places in the meaty part of his calf, just as promised. Elliott screamed and cried while the needles were in, but stayed very still. Everything was over in less than 30 seconds. I have honestly had X-rays with him more traumatizing than these botox injections. He was awesome.

When the doctor said he was done, Elliott jumped off my lap and said,

“All done, all done– buh bye!”

And that was that.

He picked out a Sesame Street sticker, walked as if nothing had just happened and waved to the staff on his way out.

Nathan was in the car waiting for us, with cheers and big hugs, as we came out of the building. Elliott joyfully showed off his sticker.

One of my biggest goals in life is that when Elliott looks back on these times, he will not remember the pain, the nerves, or the countless doctors offices that he sits in. He will remember the fun stuff afterwards. Whether that be quality time with just mom and dad, a treat, dinner of his choice, or a huge balloon– the good will always ALWAYS outweigh the hard and the bad.

Prior to this appointment, we asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said pizza and cookies. So, we went to Sugar Momma’s bakery and let him pick out his cookie, we ordered Dominos pizza for dinner, and I surprised him with a ginormous balloon, because why the heck not?!

Botox day was a day to remember, a day to celebrate and I was going to make sure that he got everything he wanted; mostly for Elliott, but also a little bit for the rest of us, too.

I want to look back on this day as a family and remember the good over the anxiety too. I want to remember Nathan waiting for us in the parking lot, my parents welcoming us in the driveway as we got home, a pizza party in the dining room, the big balloon, the pink cookie with tons of sprinkles, and a family walk with lots and lots of laughter.

It was a good start to our new normal.

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