Empowerment>Embarrassment

What if all this time, all this struggle has been leading to a beautiful chapter in your life? What if everything does work out, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now? What if who I’ve become is who I’ve needed all along? What if all this hard work leads to amazing things? What if you replaced negativity with optimism? Would your thoughts and behavior change too?

I believe so. — Tiffany Moule

I find myself writing today with a fire in my bones that feels wildly important to get out and share with the world. My heart is beating fast and my fingers can’t keep up with my thoughts. We are having big teachable moments in our house and I am just sitting here wondering if i’m doing right by my kids. I’m wondering if i’m navigating this new normal correctly and i’m trying my best to specifically teach Elliott right now, how to have confidence and a strong voice, even when it feels challenging.

Here is the story.

We are three weeks into first grade and over the summer months we are not as strict about Elliott wearing his brace. There are a variety of reasons for this, but it gives him a break, it’s hot & it can’t get wet. The downside to this, is that his muscle tone increases and we find ourselves needing brace adjustments in the fall.

I couldn’t get him in for those adjustments before school started, so the first week back at school he didn’t wear his brace at all. Once we got the brace where it needed to be, he started wearing it to school on week two.

Without me thinking much of it, I sent him on his way without prepping him for what different scenarios could arise in the new classroom.

One of the biggest mission statements at this elementary school is “No Place For Hate” and the school does a fantastic job of leading with that in mind. No one in his classroom was mean, or bullying, but understandably so, very curious and asking Elliott a lot of questions about what was on his leg and why.

Within a day a half of him wearing the brace, I started noticing him not wanting to put it on and acting out more at home. It took some prompting on my part, but after some tears from him, I ultimately learned that he felt embarrassed and different from his peers.

Having a child with ‘special needs’ has really opened my eyes up to what that fully looks like. I believe, even in a very inclusive community, there is still a stigma that exists and with each passing day, I am learning myself how to break that stigma for any kid who is labeled ‘different.’ This conversation between Elliott and I provided a great moment of learning, while also cracking my heart wide open as to all the thoughts and feelings my little boy was going through just because he was wearing a brace.

I may not always know the why’s, how’s & what if’s, but what I do know is opportunities, both good and bad, present opportunities for growth

All that to say, I have known that these conversations would happen. I have known that there will be a point where Elliott starts to ask us the harder questions of why him. I have known that there will be moments in his life where he feels ‘other,’ and we will need to navigate that. But it doesn’t make these conversations, or these moments, any easier.

I cried and cried and cried many different times after we talked hoping I said and did the right things and hoping he felt supported and ok afterwards. Ultimately, when I got my big emotions out, I knew I needed to do something.

With the passions burning from inside me, I continue to shout from the rooftops that his Cerebral Palsy, and the symptoms from it, will not be what define him. I was going to be sure to give Elliott his voice, power and confidence to control the narrative of his brace.

I emailed his teacher, speech therapist, occupational therapist & social worker and told them what was going on. I told them that Elliott wasn’t feeling like his confident self, was getting tired of the questions, and that there was a level of sadness that I had not yet experienced with him in regards to his CP. I let them know that he was struggling more than he was willing to let on. I wanted his team to be aware so that he could get cohesive support and messaging both during his days at school, as well as at home.

I wrote to them with my heart on the line and a lump in my throat. Once again, I was blown away by their response and support. Collectively, we made a plan to have his teacher read a book to the class called Just Ask by Sonia Sotomayor. His speech therapist worked with him on words that he could say to describe why he wears his brace, how it helps him, and how he is just like everybody else and it doesn’t slow him down.

This book is about feeling different. It highlights that especially as a kid, it can be tough. But in the same way that different types of plants and flowers make a garden more beautiful and enjoyable, different types of people make our world more vibrant and wonderful. The idea is that everyone has something that makes them unique and one is not better or worse than the other.

Once the teacher read the book, she asked if anybody wanted to share their differences with the class. Elliott bravely stood up in front of 26 kids with his speech therapist and fielded dozens of questions.

We gave our son the tools to feel empowered over his circumstances rather than embarrassed. We gave him an opportunity to take charge over something that doesn’t inhibit him and lead in a way that others now are wanting to share their differences with the class, too.

Elliott walked into school confident this morning & that fills my heart up with so much pride that it makes me burst into tears all over again.

For this time, I think I (we) did right by our son & I am just so damn proud of him.